3 strategies to teach kids the skills they actually need in life

SALT LAKE CITY — We teach our kids how to read, write and tie their shoes. But somewhere between homework, soccer practice and getting everyone out the door on time, are we teaching the life skills that matter just as much?

Therapist Ginger Healy said soft skills are some of the most important skills parents can teach; however, she doesn't fully agree with the term.

"I think it's a little misleading," she said. "It minimizes how important and crucial these skills really are ... These skills have to be taught and practiced and modeled. They're essential for life."

Make room for problem-solving

The parental instinct when we see our kids struggle is to jump in and fix it.

"It is normal," Healy said. "We don't wanna see our kids struggle or suffer."

But when we are constantly rescuing our kids, it gets in the way of their own growth. Parents need to make space for children to work through challenges themselves.

"We just wanna start building their confidence in their own ability to move through their challenges," she explained.

That looks like guiding them instead of solving their problem. Ask kids questions like "What do you think you should do?" or "What's one thing that you might consider in this situation?" to help them practice problem-solving while knowing you're always there to support them.

Success isn't the only lesson kids learn. They have the skills to figure things out on their own, but they also learn that it's ok to get help.

"It's not the end of the world if they can't figure it out; they can ask for help," Healy emphasized.

Normalize emotions

Many of us grew up hearing things like, "Don't cry," "You're fine," or "It's not a big deal." Healy said we actually need to validate our kids' feelings.

"Kids have to know that all feelings are okay," she said. "Frustration, anger, anxiety, and disappointment — we shouldn't fear them or ignore them or push them away."

She explained that in order to teach kids to manage their emotions, we need to lean into them. A great way to do that is to model it. Talk out loud about your own emotional experiences in age-appropriate ways.

"I'm frustrated. I'm noticing that my muscles are tense, my stomach is in knots, so I'm gonna take a breath," Healy suggested. "I'm gonna take a break."

This kind of language teaches kids that their emotions aren't emergencies.

"Emotions can be noticed, understood, and that we can learn to work on them and move through them," Healy said.

Embrace moments that force flexibility

"Life just doesn't always go according to plan," Healy said.

A canceled playdate. A rainout at the soccer field. A last-minute change of plans. These moments feel small to us, but they can feel huge to kids. Before we jump into solutions, Healy said it's important to acknowledge that kids are disappointed. Once they feel you understand them, you can move forward.

"We have to say, 'I know you were looking forward to this, so yep, this is a huge bummer,'" she explained. "So what else could we do?"

Healy emphasized that flexibility comes differently for different kids.

"Some kids really have a hard time with change, so they're gonna need more time, more preparation, more guidance," she explained.

We don't need to push kids to get over things quickly. We can help them learn that they can survive disappointment and there's always a next step.

This story originally aired on KSL TV and has been reformatted for a digital audience using artificial intelligence.